garbage
throw me out

you hate me, bitch?
i hate me, too
tell me, what the fuck am i supposed to do?
unload a fucking clip and see my brain cells ooze?
i bet you’d love to know i ain’t got shit to lose

i’ve looked up to the sky so many times and asked it why
“why does mother cry? is it cause i get high?
i’m sorry, father, i can’t help it i just want to die
should i fucking lie? or am i justified?”
he told me “kid, go fuck yourself. you’re my biggest mistake
why are you this way? i can’t fucking say.”
so i took his advice and shot my children on his face
you cannot destroy what you did not create

there’s garbage in my veins
and it spills into the garbage in my brain
when it kills me, throw me out
let me fill the lonely ground
garbage ‘til it swallows me down

always on the edge
hung over the ledge
should i dive into the ground and paint the pavement red?
all the things you said
running through my head

the lord of flies exposed the lies my father tried to hide
so i opened my eyes
and she opened her thighs
she told me she would give me love if i gave her my life
i told her that’s fine
and she told me you’re mine

garbage
throw me out

there’s garbage in my veins
and it spills into the garbage in my brain
when it kills me, throw me out
let me fill the lonely ground
garbage ‘til it swallows me down

⦿
sometimes i hear voices in my head.
i used to think it was me.
or like maybe the memories of others' voices speaking on their behalf.
but, no, i'm pretty sure it's something else. weird shit.
anyway, they love talking to me.
"give up!"
"kill yourself!"
"why are you even trying?"
"you're a joke!"
they never just SHUT THE FUCK UP! shut up shut up shut up
shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up. holy fucking shit.
it's the same shit, over and over again.
i used to try drowning them out with substances.
if i'm drunk enough, if i'm high enough, if i'm down enough
i won't hear them anymore.
wrong!
it just made them more loud, more numerous, and more unbearable.
it really makes you feel like there's actual evil in this world.
but why the fuck did demons make a home in MY head?
to that end, i picked up religion. tl;dr it didn't do shit.
surprise, surprise.
i prayed long and hard. i cried. i screamed. to a defeaning silence.
i guess god doesn't really like me lmfao. can't blame 'em.
something flows in me and i just want it...out.